when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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