remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
