Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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