My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
