I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
