That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
