My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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