if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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