Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
