remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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