I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
