We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
