so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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