Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
