I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
