I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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