from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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