You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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