Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize