my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
