and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
