what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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