Yo dont text me then not text me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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