i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
