I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
