If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
