Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
