Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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