he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
