She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
