We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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