im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
