great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize