do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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