I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think my moral compass just broke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
