guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize