It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
