I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
