I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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