I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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