Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
