just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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