My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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