dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Holy shit dude........stairs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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