So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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