He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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