Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
