I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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