very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
