I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
birth control should be required to get into college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
