If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
