he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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