I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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