I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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