my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
