Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
