I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
