that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
