omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
