so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
