You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
