Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
