I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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