I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want nice things and good sex
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
