I smell stomach acid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
