I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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