My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've blown a few things in my day
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
