Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
