Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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