in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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