I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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