What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
